:: Life in the Lost Lane ::

Life in the Lost Lane
A collective of English Gentlemen

Tuesday, September 2

Working at home always suited me.
The wife would leave every day at 0837.
i stayed in bed either sleeping or dreaming up my next story.
When the moment took me i would leap from my pillows and rush to the pc to start/work on/finish my current project.
Sometimes i could sit all day tapping away in my night clothes.
More often than not i would shower, shave, dress, eat some special k and toast, maybe a glass of tropicana orange juice.
The house was mine.
No distractions.
That is until we installed sky digital.
At first i thought i could use it to my advantage; the change in television viewing may inspire or create new ideas for articles or my next book.
I could use a gardening show or a cooking show to inject fresh knowledge into my fiction.
Christ! They even had shows about Models! No! Not that sort. The kind you build, with balsa wood or plastics.
I mean, they had whole shows!
Of course, over time, i realised the banality of these programmes and began to watch less and less.
Then one day, i chanced upon something.
Television X.
Porn.
You see, there is not just a couple of channels of late night titilation.
No no.
There are many channels for your personal (and repeated) pleasure.
During the day it can be ordered direct to you set.
There is playboy, televsion x, red hot babes and many other fabulous channels.
I haven't yet mentioned the "amateur" shows or those from Europe with constant humping etc.
I am here to tell you not to screw yourself over by investing in sky digital.
Not if you work from home.
Not if you value your time.
Not if you love your wife.
I have lost money because of my new found inability to complete novels or articles.
My mind has become a sess pool of boobs and beavers.
To make ends meet i have been writing in to Mens World and Knave as one of those people who have sexual encounters at work/on the train/in a lift etc.
They pay a pittance for such stories but it's all i can bring myself to do now.
Inbetween my shows of course.
My wife has gone.
As has the furniture.
All i have left is my tv.
My set top box.
And my enormous right arm.

posted by B @ 2:22 PM

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